surfin_the_sun (surfin_the_sun) wrote,
surfin_the_sun
surfin_the_sun

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Hmm...

Summer is almost over.  Obviously, that sucks. I have 3 books to read, some essays to write, not to mention a bunch of articles too. Anyone who knows me should know that despite the fact that there's basically a week until school starts, I haven't really gotten anything done at all. There's also the whole college issue. I just don't know what to do...I haven't started working on my application, I've only asked one teacher for a recommendation (I don't even know who else to ask), and I haven't even begun to think about the essay. To be honest, I'm more scared of the process of applying to college (and possibly being rejected from schools) than actually going... But I guess I shouldn't worry too much; I do pretty well in school and my grades are good. I'm a good kid, basically. People think I'm a brainiac smart girl who always does her homework and knows all the answers. Needless to say, they're usually quite surprised when they find out I'm not like that at all. Yeah, I try and do my best, but I don't strive for perfection. I don't think it's possible to achieve...and plus, I'm way too impatient. 
Soo...why am I writing all this? I don't know, really. Just getting some stuff off my chest I suppose. Okay, let's not thinkg about the end of summer now.

But seriously, this year has gone by so fast it's insane. I'm a senior now...almost 17 years old. It feels like it was yesterday that I was stepping into AHS for freshman orientation and feeling so overwhelmed and scared. I was a mere 13 years old then and high school seemed like a different world. I remember, the first few months of freshman year were so weird...Everything felt so different and new...it was kind of exciting, but it was more like I felt like I didn't really belong; like I didn't really know exactly what I was doing, what I was supposed to do. I've become accustomed to it now, though. High school, I mean. It's basically my life, as much as I hate to admit it. During the school year, school is what I do. I work hard (as hard as my severe procrastination habit allows) and that's it, really. It's feels surreal to think about it being over in a few months, when it seems like it just started. 

I used to get scared when thinking about the future. Thinking about life after school scared me -- what would I do once I was living on my own? Would my parents always be there to help me? Would I really be able to make it out in the 'real world'? Thinking about it now, I'm still apprehensive...but the more I think about it, the more excited I get. High school's had it's fun times, but I'm ready for a change. I want to meet new people and see new places. I'm tired of doing the same thing all the time. I want to experience new things. I used to think I wouldn't ever be ready...maybe I'm still not...but I'm not afraid to try things anymore. Even if I mess up and make mistakes, I know I have great friends and supportive family that will be there for me when I need them. 

I'm not a child anymore. I think and act for myself. Certain people may be used to being able to control me and boss me around, but I'm over that. Things are changing. Life is changing, and most importantly, I am changing. Who knows what's in store for me in the near future, but whatever it is, I'm ready to face it head on.
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